If you were in front of me right now, you would see my forehead tied up in knots and my mind simply unbeknowest of what to do. I've said too much again. One thing I learned in the past few days: it isn't always good to speak your mind. There is a time and a place for verbal expression, and a time to just let the mind just wander (even if you are falling apart.) Words can destroy a logical situation, a life, it will pull you deeper into the abscess of your lamentations. Words can scar, and scars have a way of lashing open, lashing back at you. But, I am not worried as much about the repercussions on my person, I am worried about the effects of my words on others. The effects of my words on someone who is young, I am sorry I miscalculated your emotions. I was in deeper than I thought, and I think I had suspended you from reality when I said the things I had. For a moment there you lost some reasonnever do that again. If there is one thing I would like for you, it would be growth, and the ability to stand on your own, I can't guarantee that I'd be around forever. I have made that quite evident, I apologize, I never wished to ruin your life, you who are so dear to me.
It's just that I felt trapped, I felt as though I had been placed in the backdrop, a reserve for the worst part of your day, a plan B. For a moment I felt used, and worst of all, I felt I needed someone else. I thought to myself that it's an illusion, but, the "what if" holds me close to the idea. What if...
Now, I cannot leave you, you have made a hole, unintentionally. I cannot bear to leave you, and to begin with, maybe I never really could, (so to speak,) it didn't have to come to this. Don't ever lose yourself this badly ever again. You do know how I am, I talk too much...and when I do, it only means I need some reassurance, don't give too much, because when you do, you lose too much. I only give of myself, that which I can, you must give only the equivalent. I will not ask for more.
For a moment I doubted you...that's something I can never do again.
It's just that I felt trapped, I felt as though I had been placed in the backdrop, a reserve for the worst part of your day, a plan B. For a moment I felt used, and worst of all, I felt I needed someone else. I thought to myself that it's an illusion, but, the "what if" holds me close to the idea. What if...
Now, I cannot leave you, you have made a hole, unintentionally. I cannot bear to leave you, and to begin with, maybe I never really could, (so to speak,) it didn't have to come to this. Don't ever lose yourself this badly ever again. You do know how I am, I talk too much...and when I do, it only means I need some reassurance, don't give too much, because when you do, you lose too much. I only give of myself, that which I can, you must give only the equivalent. I will not ask for more.
For a moment I doubted you...that's something I can never do again.
posted by Jdee at 8:24 PM
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